Friday, January 25, 2013

Looking Through Branches

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him." -Psalm 34:8

It is so easy in ministry to lose sight of the beautiful things, of which are innumerable. I'm not saying that this is only in ministry, for it certainly is not. Often times people might lose focus on why they once loved their job or life, as the mundane seems to have taken over everything. However, I do contend that in ministry there are more things to appreciate, more beauty in things. Ministry is meant to point to the Creator and Maker of all things, the Giver of every good and perfect gift. How could we run out of things to be thankful for?

The answer for this is simple: "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Paul sums up the sin of mankind in this incredibly simple statement. All have sinned. All have fallen short. We are a broken people. We are. You need not look very hard to see that we are. Even those of us who are in ministry, who are "in the trenches" so to speak. We are just as broken as the man cheating on his wife, or the women looking for love in material things or physical relationships. Any man would be foolish to say otherwise. But praise be to God that He stepped in and changed all that. He has decided to make me His, to take my sins from me as far as the east is from the west. He has redeemed me and made me new, the old is gone and the new has come! Amen!

And yet. Sin is still here, all around us. What God has done in my life, He may have yet to do in another. And even as He has redeemed me, I am still in need of His everlasting Grace daily. I am still a broken, sinful vessel. I am a jar of clay, holding this incredible treasure of His extraordinary power. I, therefore, can lose sight of what He has done for me, to me, with me. God, however, does not give up on me. He has not, and He will not! And in that reminder, He has given me a reminder of sorts to "stop and smell the roses" so to speak.

More so than any place I have ever worked, or ministry I have ever been a part of, this concept of losing sight of the beautiful was never more obvious than it was with my time at camp. I spent 15 incredible, wonderful, awe-inspiring months at Crista Camps in Kitsap County working at both Island Lake (Silverdale, WA) and Miracle Ranch (Port Orchard, WA). I was the Program Coordinator (glorified games director) for both summers of 2011 and 2012, and spent the time in between as a Program Intern amidst and incredible, talented internship program. We essentially were the cogs that kept camp going. We did everything from helping groups with their own stuff, working meals, running activities like ropes course or motocross, and even cleaning all of camp (which we did at least once a week!). We always had meetings on Wednesdays, and worked together to push camp forward.

Needless to say, it was very easy to get caught in the routine of things. It was easy to lose sight of the bigger picture of what we were doing. We struggled to see the promise land through the thick of the wilderness. And never was it more apparent that I had lost my ability to see the beautiful than in the month of February. It was by far the hardest month of the entire internship, I think for all of us. It was busy, and we were just comfortable enough with each other to get on one another's nerves...a lot. It all accumulated to one night after a long day of hard cleaning. It was clear that everyone was just bitter and frustrated, and I found myself both in that group, as well as having a heavy heart because of it. That night, myself and two wonderful friends prayed for nearly 50 minutes, all three of us in tears by the end of it. I literally could only pray out loud for one sentence, but it was one of the most intense times of prayer I have ever been a part of. I heard God speak to me in that time, and tell me to never lose sight of what was beautiful.

And so began an intentional goal to take time, at least once a week, to look through the branches. At Island Lake, where I spent the majority of my time from then on (it was a fairly even split before that) has an outside amphitheater of sorts, where the teaching and worship services are held for camp as well as guest groups that come. It is called Fireside, and holds an incredible amount of memories of redemption and healing. It is also almost entirely covered by a canopy of tall trees, firs and the like. I would go down, lay down on one of the benches, and just look through the branches. In the summer, it was especially beautiful to see the sunlight breaking through them in beams left and right. Camp had become more than just a home, and I was so comfortable and used to it that I had become numb to how incredibly beautiful of a place it truly was, both physically and spiritually.

In the past couple of weeks, I have found myself in India losing sight of the beautiful. I have been apart of a lot less ministry here than I have in the past, and taken on a more host-like role for the teams that have been coming. This has been bittersweet for me. I have enjoyed it because it has allowed me to get to know people in some cool ways, and to be able to serve them as they are here. It has, however, stunted my opportunities to go out and preach/teach, which is where my heart is, and the reason I came. Not the only reason, no, but it was what I came to do. And in that, I allowed myself to lose heart; and sight of the beautiful. But I am not going to allow such a foothold for any lies to come in. Not anymore! I am convinced that my God is bigger than my petty problems and self-pity, and has great and unimaginable good for me! I have decided to look through the branches once again.

Thank You, God, for reminding me of Your goodness. Thank You, God, that You never give up on me, that Your love never fails. I pray that I would not lose hope of why You have me here, nor will I grumble in times of thick wilderness. Instead, Lord God, let me look through the branches at Your immeasurable beauty, and take hold of all that You have for me! Let me walk by faith, Lord God, needing not to see anything but Your hand as You guide me. Thank You for Your promises, God. For Your faithfulness and mercy. You are so good. I love You and thank You in Your Son's holy and precious Name, Amen!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Hope And Healing

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." -Martin Luther King Jr.

Today is January 15, and Martin Luther King Jr's birthday. He was an incredible man, known the world around for his conviction and uncompromising endurance. He became the face of a movement that would eventually alter the course of history. His words have affected millions of people he has never met, and reached farther than he could have ever dreamed. What defined him most was his unwavering faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. His message of love was always founded upon his understanding of the Love he had received. He knew that he could only talk about love because he was loved first.

On December 14, 2012 in Newton, Connecticut, a man decided to end the lives of 20 children, 7 adults (including his own mother) and eventually himself in what was the second deadliest school shooting in our nation's history. 28 lives lost in the blink of an eye, as a man had lost his grip on hope and the reality of love.

In what was the worst part of the shooting, Lauren Rousseau, and fifteen of her sixteen of her first graders were fatally shot. The sole survivor was a six year old girl who acted dead until the sounds stopped, and she felt safe to leave the school. She was the first student to run out after the events were over. She described the shooter as only a six year old could; he was a very angry man.

Tonight, January 15, 2013, on what would have been Martin Luther King's 86th birthday, A Night Of Hope And Healing was held in Ridgefield, Connecticut, honoring those who were lost, and mourning with those that were affected. Lead by Casting Crowns, a host of Christian artists performed a free show for anyone and everyone. Toby Mac, Chris Tomlin, Mandisa, Laura Story, Steven Curtis Chapman, and Building 429 all played songs of worship and praise, all the while preaching on the good news of Jesus Christ. Louie Giglio, long time ministry partner of Christ Tomlin shared about being strong in the Lord, for He is strong. Mary Chapman, Steven's wife, spoke about the accident that killed their young daughter, and forever affected their family as it was their son, and Steven's drummer, who was the driver of the car. She spoke about the hope and reality of peace that can only be found in the arms of God. And Max Lucado spoke about the identity that we find in Christ. That He is our shepherd, and we His sheep. We are in great need of Him, helpless and hopeless without Him. He spoke about the opportunity to know God, how real it is, how available it is. He spoke about how great it is that through such a tragedy, such an awful experience, that God wants to make us new and holy, even amidst the confusion and chaos. How great it is that the devil would intend such a horrible day for evil, yet God would use it to bring people to Him! Amen! He encouraged and challenged those in attendance to remain strong in Him, to not give up, "don't throw in the towel" he said.

I sat at our breakfast table with two pastors from Connecticut watching the live stream of this incredible night. The weight of the moment was certainly not lost on me. We ate bites of our fried potatoes as Casting Crowns sang the words "And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away. And I'll praise You in this storm, And I will lift my hands, For You are who You are No matter where I am. And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand. You never left my side. And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm." I could not hold back the tears of the impact of these words. Not in the context they were being sung. To sing 'I will raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.' to an audience, a community trying to reconcile the loss children. The loss of friends. The loss of people they'd never known...I can hardly begin to describe the faith it would take to sing these words as the heart breaks in confusion and pain. What hope they bring! Amen? To say God, I don't get it, I don't. But I am going to trust You, even in this storm. Even in this time that seems so hopeless and pointless, I am Yours.

One of the pastors began saying praise God, praise God under his breath as he watched. I mean, I was sitting at a table with two pastors from the area directly affected by this massacre, watching this live stream from Nellore, India! Are you kidding me? We sat there in awe of what God was/is doing, just singing praises out to Him. Casting Crowns finished there set with one of my favorite songs, Glorious Day. I could no longer fight back the tears that were coming. Max Lucado came out once again to wrap up the night with another word of encouragement. He begged the audience to not leave without prayer, to remain steadfast, holding on to the God who loves and desires good things for them. The only God who was and is and yet to come. As he spoke, all of the artists began coming behind him, lining up as a choir for one last song, as Chris Tomlin took to the front with his guitar and microphone. Max thanked everyone for coming, prayed, and invited Chris to lead one last song.

And Chris played a song that I have loved in the past, but have never felt a stronger connection to. Out of all of the songs that he could played, none could have captured the prayer of the local church more. "You're the God of this city. You're the King of these people. You're the Lord of this nation. You Are. You're the Light in the darkness. You're the Hope to the hopeless. You're Peace to the restless. You Are. There is no one like our God. There is no one like our God. Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city! Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city!" What an anthem! What a prayer! Greater things have yet come and greater things are still to be done, even when things seem like nothing could be farther! Even when hope seems but a word, God still has greater things in store! God will not forget His people, He will not forget His promises! By the end of the song, not an artist on stage was left with dry eyes. They knew it. They felt it. God is doing something. God did something in the Bridgeport area of Connecticut tonight.

We felt it all the way in Nellore, India, some 14,000 miles away! And to be able to share it with two pastors who will be in the battlefield of it, I mean, I couldn't write it myself! I couldn't make it up! God made it that I would celebrate His presence, His work in a town halfway around the world with two men whose communities have been forever changed by the sins of one man!

Thank You, Jesus, for Your sacrifice that make all things possible. Thank You for Pastor Kevin and Pastor Joe and they're work and hearts for Bridgeport, Connecticut. Thank You for allowing me to be amidst their mourning and celebration. It was beautiful, Lord. You are beautiful. I pray that You would continue to do a good work there, Lord God, that You would have Your way with them. God, I pray that You would shape hearts to listen, to be still before You. God I ask that You would continue to bless me with Your goodness and Your presence. Thank You for Your unfailing Love, for Your Grace and Mercy unending, and for everything that You do. Thank You that You are the God who gives and takes away, and that we need not but praise You. You are good. Thank You, Jesus, for You are good. It is in Your wonderful, holy, and precious Name I pray. Amen.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

All you need is love

"If I give it all to You, will You make it all new? If I open up my hands, will You fill them again?" -Will Reagan & United Pursuit's 'If I Give It All'

I live in a world of technology. I don't think it's a secret. America is often at the forefront of technology from the major standpoint of the major population. While other countries have more technology here or there, the general public of America is ridiculously advanced. And it has never been more painfully obvious in my life than it is now. Than it has been while I have spent my time here in India over these past three months.

Now I'm not in any way going to rant about how evil and corrupt technology has  made us or anything of the sort. I love technology. I'm typing this blog for the internet on my laptop lol it would be hypocritical of me to do something of the sort. But what I do want to write about is necessity. This is something that has been on my mind a lot lately, especially in the context of the last two weeks.

A team of eight people from Vancouver and Seattle, WA came to India on Dec 28 with the intention of building a basketball court for the ministry I am working with. This team ranged from a 16 year-old to a 63 year-old, from high school students to a pastor to a real estate agent. They are all in very different walks of life, dealing with very different issues in their homes, at their schools and/or workplaces, and have very different outlooks on certain things. Some had health issues, some were not all mentally here, some were more prepared than others. You get the idea. But what they did have in common was a desire to leave everything that knew, their homes, their lives, their comfort, to come to a common goal halfway around the world. They wanted to see a basketball/multi-sports court built at the second of two orphanages at this ministry in the last two years.

Why a basketball court? What can that do? For those of you who have experience playing sports, I'm sure you can attest to the many incredible opportunities sports can bring. But amidst the many many reasons that I could list off, only one is needed. The smile of a child playing. That's why we build a basketball court. If this court were built for two kids who never see each other on the same place in society to be able to play with one another, it would be enough. We sought to provide that for 50+ kids! And so we embarked together with this incredible task and idea. Through the process there were arguments, disappointments, tons of laughter, surprises, lots and lots of work, and finally the beautiful sound of children bouncing balls on a court they could call their own.

And through this entire process, I was forced with to face the reality of necessity. I have found myself praying that I would need God. This seems like an almost "duh" prayer, that it's like praying for the whole point. My response is-exactly. It is the point. The whole point. And I want it. I want to need God in everything I am, in everything I do. I don't ever want to feel like I don't need God, even in the 'little' things. But I have realized that I far too often replace God with the comforts that He has provided for me. It's like I have eagerly received His wonderful gifts with selfish and ungrateful hands. And God has really convicted me of this. He has reminded me that He is the giver of every good and perfect gift, that all that I have has come from Him, and in the end will mean nothing next to the eternity spent with Him, sharing in glory and praise for all days. He has reminded me that I "need" nothing but Him. That He will provide for me. Over and over again, He reminds His people, the Israelites this same message, and they continue to screw it up. I almost scoff at them as I read about their unfaithfulness. Then God gives me this same reminder, and all of the sudden I am one of these unfaithful Israelites that God just won't let go of. It reminds me that they were human, that I am human, and that God is God. And I will never not need Him. I will never need anything other than Him. I may have wants galore, but needs are non-existent. Needs implies that there are more things than one. But I do not need anything aside from Him. That's it.

One of my favorite United Pursuit songs is If I Gave It All. It has two incredible questions of faith in it. The singer asks "If I give it all to You, will You make it all new?" and "If I open up my hands, will You fill them again?" These are the cries of a heart that desires to need only God. They are not questions of the unfaithful, but of the heart that is realizing this is what is desired of us. I want to be able to give all things to God, because He desires and promises to make it all new. I want to open up my tight grips of fear and uncertainty so the God would fill them again.

Father God, I want to need you. I want to know that You are all that I need, that You are all that I could ever need. Lord God, provide for me in the way that You see fit, and allow my heart to be grateful for it. Do not let fear, ungratefulness, bitterness, or selfishness to leave my lips. Jesus, let me live like You did, always relying and trusting in the Father, because He will give all that I need. You will give all that I need, Father. Thank You. Thank You for Your unfailing love and mercy that fill all my necessity. You are so good, Lord. I thank You and love You. In Your Son's holy and precious and beautiful Name, I pray. Amen.