He's not done

On October 2, 2012, at 8:10 in the morning, my airplane took off from Portland, Oregon for Toronto, Canada. This was my first of three flights to reach my final destination of Southeast India. I would be spending my next five months there. My tickets had been paid for, my bags packed, my seatbelt fastened, and my tray in its upright position. There was no turning back now. I was on my way for an adventure I was more than excited for, and yet so unprepared. And as He does, God did not disappoint.

In my five months here, the vast majority of what I have done is preach. I partner with a ministry here who seeks to serve the lowest of the low, the poorest of the poor. They reach out to tribal people that even most low caste people wouldn't reach out to. And they continue to build up churches, both physically and Spiritually, around their area. This is what I knew I would do coming into this thing. This is what I could say when asked what my trip would be. But this is so much less than a description of what I was actually a part of here.

In India, I got to teach God's word to people who have never seen a white person in their life. I got to pray over people and see healing in incredible ways. One man stood upon a knee that was previously deformed from a bad healing from a break. He walked away smiling and praising God! I met person after person who had testimonies of how God came in and healed their broken bodies and broken hearts. I got to watch a high caste family throw out their last Hindu idol and submit themselves and their family to the Lord Almighty! I got to witness demon possessions manifest themselves in ways I had never heard of. I got to cast out demons in Jesus' name! I got to meet a man who had broken his back in a terrible car accident. The doctors refused to perform surgery on him for two reasons- one, they saw very little point considering his back was so bad that the surgery could do nothing, and two, he was a leper. But he believed upon the Lord and received a vision and healing. He went back to the doctor who told him what had happened to him was impossible. Not only was his back healed, it was like a young man's again! I got to drive in vans, cars, trucks, a scooter, and more often than not, a motorcycle. I saw thousands of kilometers of India from the back of a motorcycle. I got to preach at 6 weddings, and attend 3 others. I got to live in four different cities with four very different people. For instance, I lived in a village with people who spoke very little English for two whole weeks! I got eat at McDonald's in a random Indian town for Thanksgiving. I met a man named Cody from Kansas City there who was visiting the country with his wife, who was originally from India. I got to see two palaces of Indian royalty, one of which was the size of a small city I'm pretty sure. I got to put on some rubber gloves and clean Indian children's teeth. I got to ride in an auto (a rickshaw) for the first time. I got to ride a bus in India for the first time. I got to get my hair cut for the first time in India. I got to live with a crazy awesome German lady for a week and a half and cook in her kitchen with her, which she apparently never lets happen! I got to spend my birthday in a different country for the first time in my life. I got to preach on Christmas, and see more than 10 people come to Christ! Amen! I got to preach in the New Year with a really good friend at three different churches. I got to see her step way out of her comfort zone and give a message of encouragement to the congregation. I think I was the most encouraged one there, knowing what it took for her to do that. I got to help build a basketball court at an orphanage. I got to play soccer, basketball, cricket, and many more games with a bunch of beautiful Indian children! I got to preach at 8 funerals for wonderful, loving church members who went to be with the Lord. I got to meet people from all over the United States and even several different places all over India! I got to watch a concert for the benefit of the Sandy Hook Elementary School families that were wrought with tragedy with two pastors from the Bridgeport, Connecticut area. I got dedicate more than a dozen new churches to the work of God and His glory! I got to eat hundreds of pounds of rice and curry. I got to watch 6 beautiful full moons rise and set. I got to see monsoon season come and flood us out of being able to work. I got to witness baptisms in rivers, ponds, and a tank. I got to take a couple thousand pictures and capture so many wonderful aspects of India's beauty. I got to meet many wonderful people from all over who have forever blessed me. And just tonight, as if God were saying "There's still so much more for you to see!" I got to see a rocket take off for space. Yeah. Like, for real. A freaking rocket. And tonight there is a full moon, I'm pretty sure just for me and my last night here in India.

BUT! The best part of all of this is this. I didn't actually do any of this. I didn't do anything cool at all. Nor could I. But the even greater thing is the knowledge that God chose to do all of these things through a broken vessel like me! God was the one doing the work the whole time, and allowing me to see what He's been doing this whole time! He's the one who put those things around me for me to enjoy. He's the one who brought many people into my life that I will never forget! He's the one who continues to give me everything I need, and then so much more! And tonight He reminded yet again that He has so many more incredible and wonderful opportunities ahead of me.

Yes, my five month mission trip to India is coming to a close. But my next opportunity is just about to open, whatever it may be. And I'm sure that God will send me back here again in the future. When? Who knows? Next year? I hope so! I have shared many laughs, tears, joys, heartaches, music, meals, sleep, games, messages, words, scriptures, and life with so many incredible people here and I am so thankful to God for all of it. I am also thankful that even though God has given me so much, shown me so much, and done so much in me, He's not done.

(Not So) Subtle

“My idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered time after time. He shatters it Himself.”- Clive Staples Lewis: A Grief Observed.

Ever have that feeling that tells you, "Man, God. You sure have done some great work with me and in me."? Yeah, unfortunately so have I. Not that it's wrong to praise God for what He's done, especially when He's chosen to do His work through such a broken vessel as you or I. But that's not what I'm saying. It's easy to read that sentence a number of different ways, make it sound like such a beautiful sentiment. But sometimes the heart behind such a statement really lies in the self, and not in God. He politely (as He is always such a gentleman) reminded that such a praise does not ever lie in the self of the admirer, but the Admired. He politely reminded me of what He has yet left to do in me.

In India, time moves at a different pace than anywhere else I have ever been. Things don't matter here, matter a lot there. 10 o'clock means see you at 11. "Be ready at 1:30" means"why aren't you ready yet?" at 1. It's been an interesting challenge to say the least. I consider myself an already very flexible person, and would say that most would agree. Praise God that He has wired me in such a way, as it's allowed me to be able to take most that has come my way thus far. But that isn't to say that there aren't times that it isn't easy. There certainly are times where the "American" comes out in me, and I just want to yell that we haven't left yet, when we were supposed to two hours ago! I had such an experience, or should I say a series of experiences, in the past few weeks.

It began on a trip to a village with my Pastor and host here in India on January 30. He had mentioned briefly earlier that day that he was planning on sending me to a village for a "few days" and that I would leave that night. I asked what a few days meant (as mentioned earlier, timing doesn't mean exactly what it claims lol) and he said four. Okay, I say. I can do that. Four days in a village living with a man who barely speaks any English, and I even less Telugu. Sure, why not? This will be an experience of a lifetime!  As the day went on, we talked about two more times, each time that timetable slowly growing longer, never even mentioning the previous amount, as if we had yet to talk about how long I'd actually be gone. So, I decided I needed to bring it up in the car ride out to a village program so we could finally set in stone the details, face to face. We had only really talked on the phone so far.

"Well," he began, "I'm not sure how long you'll be there. You might come back on the 8th (of February), you might come back on the 10th. I'm not really sure what Madhu (the man I'd be living with, a pastor here) has planned for you. But he's really excited to have you! It's going to be a great experience for you!" And that was that. I was set to leave at midnight that night to a village with a man I'd met twice before, live with him for an uncertain amount of time (even to the head Pastor here), and doing who knows what? All I knew is that I'd be helping him (Madhu) with church construction of some kind. "Oh yeah," apparently that wasn't yet that, "and when Madhu's done with you, you're going to go live for a couple days with another pastor and visit a couple of new villages. I want you to study and write about the people in those villages, so we can tell people about them." "Does he speak English?" "Nope."

I think at this point you can imagine how I felt that night packing for this extremely vague and uncertain trip. Unrest would be the tip of what I felt. Frustrations and doubt crept in at every dark corner of my heart, laying seed that rooted faster than I realized. I was genuinely excited to go in a lot of ways. I mean, I was going to be living in a village. In India. For a week, week and a half. I would have the challenge of barely speaking verbally, while loving on people. This is literally why I came, and how I've asked God to use me since this trip was laid on my heart. And yet the sinful part of me was so not ready for the trip that awaited me.

"My idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered time after time. He shatters it Himself." While there, a small sniffle turned into an all out cold, and I found myself in and out of sickness for nearly a week. Amidst the time I wasn't resting, however, I was able to help build the floor to a village church, and then paint it. This was the church construction I was told about. I was able to pray over people, families of the churches in villages around where I was staying. I was even able to preach in a pretty large Telugu Baptist church in the village I living in. And yet, I found myself still wrestling with frustration and bitterness at being there. One day, I found myself in prayer saying to God, "LORD, what the heck am I doing here? Why do you have me here? I know you have something for me, something to teach me. But all I see right now is the frustration right in front of me. I can't see what You're doing. I don't know what You want from me." And then it hit me. Like a sack of rocks, God spoke gently, "Exactly." And in that little whisper of great wisdom, God, as He does, spoke so much more than that one word. Exactly, Joel. That's My point. You are so caught up in what you're trying to do, you're not letting Me do it. You're trying so hard to see instead of letting Me show you. You have come a long, long way my son. But boy do you have so far to go.

God reminded me again that my prayer should have a lot less "I's and me's" in it and a lot more of Him instead. He reminded me to listen. He reminded me to wait. To wait on Him. To wait in Him. To wait for Him. He's not done with me yet. I have so much selfishness, so much bitterness, so much self-seeking will left in my heart that He is chipping away at. And He reminded me that yes, God has done a great work with me and in me. But boy does He have so much more for me than this. And to think, all it took was sending me to a remote village in India with nothing familiar around me, not even my own language, to teach me that. To teach me that there is so much left for me to learn. And I am once again ready to stop thanking Him in just my words, but in my heart and actions as well.

LORD, You are so good and wonderful. You are the only One worthy of our praise, worthy to be thanked. I thank you, Lord. God I pray that You would not stop with me. Keep doing Your good work in me that I would continue to see my great need for you. Let me never lose sight of Your holiness and righteousness. Let me never lose sight of Your hand that is preparing me for so much more than what I already have been given. Thank You for what You've already given me. God, I pray that You would illuminate the path that is in front of me, in Jesus Name. I pray that if it is only enough for me to see the next step ahead, that it would be enough to follow, in faith and love, God. Give me the faith to follow You. And let me never grow tired of You doing Your work in me. Let me never ask you to take a break, or give excuse as if You work were finished in me. Let me instead open my arms wide and receive Your grace abundantly, and all that comes with it. The joy and peace, and the growing pains of sanctifying this wicked heart. Thank You, Lord, for all the incredible blessings that You've given me here in India. I pray that You would open my eyes to see all that You've done, that You're doing, and all that You have left for me here. I thank You and love You, God. In Jesus' holy and precious and beautiful Name I pray. Amen.